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Who were you before you made yourself digestible to the world?

Ooof, I don’t know about you, but this question hits hard.

As someone with a long history of people pleasing, comfort seeking and mask wearing, this question brings a lot of emotional wounds to the surface.

I can recall many moments when I said yes to things I absolutely wanted to say no to! And I remember the many times I replayed these events in my mind and agonised over the shame I felt from giving up my power to please someone else.

My people pleasing patterns gave me relief from the immediate suffering of confrontation, yet caused far more destructive feelings in the long run.

Can you relate?

When we make ourselves digestible, we make ourselves easy to swallow. We become accommodating, agreeable, easy going, low-maintenance, non-confrontational, sweet and selfless.

There are myriad reasons why we create identities like these. In my opinion they all lead back to the root of all suffering. Fear.

We fear being cast from the tribe. We fear being alone. We fear for our safety and security. We fear being unloved and unloveable.

Because we want to be liked, loved, safe and in community, it feels safer to be less confrontational. We choose what feels like the easy path so as not to rock the boat. We'd rather keep the peace. We start believing this is the only path.

Just because we've formed beliefs that we must adapt and change ourselves to receive love and acceptance, doesn’t make them true.

Some words for my people-pleasing friends,

offered with love

Shrinking yourself into a palatable version of you isn’t going to result in more love, security and peace. Because doing that means going against the grain of your true self. It means choosing others over yourself. Which is a sure fire way to live a life of suffering.

The only way to feel more love, more peace and more security is to become who you were always meant to be. The person buried underneath the layers of conditioning. The person who isn't afraid to rock the boat, to say no and to put yourself first. Your most natural, raw, purest self.

Recalling and reclaiming the parts of yourself that you are often too afraid to express is the only way to find true freedom and peace in life.

Wherever you are on your journey towards embodying your most authentic, unapologetic self, I see you and I celebrate you. This journey is not free of suffering, but it is full of love.

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